I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
