I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
