last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
