there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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