hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
