I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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