Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
