cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
