I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's blow job season.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
