as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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