You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
