Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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