Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
