did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
