Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
