Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
