im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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