fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
