He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
