We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
