YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
