I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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