Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
