Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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