Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
