I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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