I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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