When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I would fuck him just for his dog
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
