My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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