It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
