If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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