she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
