how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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