jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
