youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
