Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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