We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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