We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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