you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
