I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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