So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she peed on how many people?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
