I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
