Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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