no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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