Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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