we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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