I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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