You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
