Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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