Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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