So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
